Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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