We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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