i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
