Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
