So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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