are you still at the devil's house?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
