..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
