THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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