wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
