just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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