I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
