Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
