Sorry, I don't speak sober.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
