first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
