So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
