And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
