tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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