I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
