i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
