I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
