He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
