She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
