the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
