Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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