I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
