Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When are your genitals available?
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