After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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