in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
