I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
