Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
