too bad you live with your parents still
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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