Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
