Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
