I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
