Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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