I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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