Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
