Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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