I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
