I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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