Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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