So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
