"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
