She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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