Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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