Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
