I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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