Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
