So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
