It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize