i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
