I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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