my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
