I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
