I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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