So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
