i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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