Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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