People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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