he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
