Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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