i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
