Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
