I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
