she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
