While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
