I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
