Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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