Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
