can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
