i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
