I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What drink are we having for lunch?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
