she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
