do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
