I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
